I have noticed a trend lately on (almost) all the DVDs I purchase. You are also well aware of what I'm about to 'discuss.' If you're not, you'll soon be seeing it every time you watch a movie (that you bought - I just want to make that clear).
First, the tale, then, the complaining:
You put a DVD in your player and it usually starts with the publisher, Paramount, Lions Gate, etc. There's a little few second blip of their name and into logo. Okay, fine, whatever. I'm still getting my beverage and snacks, let them play their stuff.
Then we move on to previews. This is all well and good, because on most DVDs, these can be skipped with simple press of 'menu' or 'skip.' (Try and stay with me here.) Good enough, maybe you actually want to buy some of these and make a note about it (publisher's job done, right?)
Now you're at the menu. That is, if you didn't have to sit through a first year film school student's menu intro. All the exciting little selections with some sort of frantic background longing you to jump right in.
You're comfy, on your couch, with your loved one and/or family, possibly with drinks and snacks, ready to escape real life for a while and delve into someones made up world. You holler at the kids to turn the lights of and get in the living room.
So, you pick up the remote and hit 'Play Movie,' (or some such thing, to start the movie). And what's the first thing you see (depending on the DVD)?
Often, it's a big blue screen displaying the MPAA rating. "Okay, fine, I'll just hit skip," you think as you to grab the remote off the coffee table just as you were putting it down. But, all goes according to plan.
Or so you thought, then BAM:
FBI Warning! If you thought the movie was starting, you've got another thing coming!
"So," you think, "I skipped the first one, I'll just hit the skip on this one." Not a chance buster! You smack skip with all your might, only to see a symbol on the screen indicate that you won't be winning this one. You try FF, no dice. You frantically search for something that will skip this screen, swearing at the DVD for putting you through this, when, suddenly, it's gone.
"Whew, that was annoying, but we're past that now," you think as you're reaching to put the remote down. But... BOOM:
Now it's a big red screen, titled, WARNING.' "What the fuck!?" you scream - to this point keeping quiet on the subject. Your wife smacks you on the arm for swearing in front of the kids while you, yet again, aim your thumb for that 'skip' button. But in your rage, you dropped the remote! Scouring the dark floor for the remote, your hand finds it only to look back at the screen to see what looks like the same screen, but now it says 'ATTENTION:'
Attention!? It just said warning! "But those look like french words. What's that doing on my DVD, this is an English copy!?" Getting the remote straight in your hand again, 'skip' it is, and the silly french is gone. The agitation remains, but will fade with time and enjoyment of the movie I'm about to watch. Ha! You thought it was movie time:
One more yet; some sort of white text on black. Some shit about commentaries is what you quickly skim."FUCK!" You holler. Your wife smacks you again, but this time you have none of it. The remote, in your hand and already busted in half by your angry grip, is thrust through your wife's neck as tears of rage fill your eyes. Throwing your snacks and drink on the floor as you launch from your seat toward your kids who've already asked why the movie hasn't started. One quick twist and both their necks are broken. Stomping over the bodies of your late loved ones, your next target is the DVD player. You are ready to smash it Office Space style when you yank too hard and smash yourself in the head, instantly killing you.
Your bodies aren't found for three days while the UPS delivery guy is dropping off DVDs you ordered...
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Okay, that's a pretty extreme result, but completely within the realm of possibilities. But my point is that why is this shit on the beginning of my movies? Why isn't it on the beginning of the disc? Why must I endure such torture before I can watch a movie I paid for?
Sure each screen only takes up five seconds, but that's four screens; that's twenty fucking seconds! That's twenty seconds I could be watching the movie! Dammit!
I can understand the monetary losses due to illegal copying of movies and other things, but maybe if a DVD didn't cost $30, I'd be more understanding.
I already paid for this movie, I just want to watch it. Lots of people worked hard (usually) to produce this. I bought a copy, now leave me alone. I didn't pirate it, I purchased it. Isn't this exactly what you wanted me to do?
But after seeing this MANY times on my (read: MINE) DVDs, I'm thinking of copying them only to get the warnings OFF the front of the movie!! Besides why can't this information be at the beginning of the disc, not when I want to watch the movie?
I would bet you'd get an answer along the lines of 'nobody would see it,' 'we wouldn't get the message out sufficiently.'
Well that's all bullshit. And you know why? Because if anyone in this country doesn't know that already, they're a fucking idiot.
The other biggest complaint is that my tax dollars were wasted on this. They were probably wasted on that shitty "You wouldn't steal a car... don't steal movies" clip on some discs.
Enforcement by notification ad nauseum is not enforcement at all. It's a waste of my fucking time, when I just want to watch a movie. Has this little intro and label on the DVD case stopped piracy? I doubt it, if anything, it's probably made it worse. I know I'm thinking about copying my DVDs. But isn't that legal under 'fair use?' Oh, that's right, the DMCA did away with that, and some other rights. But no problem, fascism is fun!
I hope these ramblings made a point, if not, I hope it was fun, if not, then I'm glad I wasted five minutes of your life.
-HypnotistOfLadies :-\
Next Point: Spendulus, I know, I'm not the first, maybe a little late to the party.
